Longitudinal Study

November 11, 2009

I have just completed a brilliant six month longitudinal study. I have uncovered several astonishing facts about the nature of blogging, as well as the crucial secret to How To Increase Blog Attendance. Screw those other guys, like ProBlogger, or DoshDosh. Yes, maybe DoshDosh produces high quality articles about how you can improve the content and flow of your website, and make money while doing it, but he’s just making money off of it, so there’s gotta be some kind of a conflict of interest there. Or, I mean, you could read this article by Derek Powazek, that illuminates the fundamental principle of blogging effectively…

… but the internet isn’t like Playboy. You don’t “Just read it for the articles.” We all know that. You read it for the MAN BEHIND THE ARTICLES. OR WOMAN, IF THEY ARE NOT WRITTEN BY ME, AND YOU DON’T BELIEVE THAT MEME THAT SAYS THERE ARE NO REAL WOMEN ON THE INTERNET (Not Always Safe For Work). Also, I would NOT under any circumstances, encourage you to read Encyclopedia Dramatica. It’s just as bad as Uncyclopedia (NASFW), if not WORSE.

But that’s enough caps for now. back to the matter at hand. Yes, perhaps I cannot produce any words so fine as these gentleman, and certainly I will never compare to the art of Jim Campbell, but I still have something useful to say. It’s always about context.

The useful fact I have discovered in my exhaustive research across the ENTIRE internet and the rest of the world as well, is that there is, without a doubt, no comparable technique to the technique of writing something. So just do it. Someone may accidentally enter a thoughtless Google search that brings some astronomically unlikely phrase that appears in your article (like “squamous ginger”) to the forefront of your soon-to-be reader’s attention.

Suddenly, thinking they have finally found the one, true analysis of squamous gingerism in the entire world, they will click on your article. And then they will probably read it. or at least part of it. and part of it is still pretty good, because your “visit tracker” will report that someone DEFINITELY clicked on your page. And then you can be like me! as of this writing, my visit tracker says that FIVE HUNDRED AND FORTY SIX PEOPLE were foolish enough to think they might find content on this website, and clicked on a link here. Or typed the URL in. I don’t know what’s up with those guys.

Anyway, my street address is Five Four Six, so that’s pretty bizarre. I hope you have a wonderful day.


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